Saturday, April 14, 2007

33.5

Today, I am 33 and a half! That's right, folks...I am getting closer and closer to 35. We have a friend who is in her mid-20's - she calls us middle-aged??? How is that possible? Since I am thinking about it being my half birthday, I thought I should take a moment to tell you about my 33rd birthday....what a story!

It was early Saturday morning on October 14, 2006...Todd was off picking up my parents at the airport. Timmy and I were awake and handling our morning routine very well. We were having a party that night - not so much a birthday party, but a we just moved into our new house party.
The amount of cleaning and food prep that loomed was a bit daunting, so I knew I should get started. Before I did that, I decided to sit Timmy on the toilet. Success, there was a poop and Timmy informed me he was done. Great!

"Take this diaper to the trash can, Timmy." His naked tushie ran to the trash can in the kitchen and he dropped the diaper...whoops. He stopped on the runner in between the sink and the trash can, then dropped the diaper. I saw him squat to get the diaper, then watched him open the trash and put it in; "Good job, Timmy." I'm a proud mother.

You seasoned mothers out there know that squatting and a naked 18 month old can only lead to disaster. I was not a seasoned mother. I had no idea what was about to happen.

I got a fresh diaper out of the diaper bag and put it on him.

Then, decided the cleaning couldn't wait any longer. I pulled out the vacuum and began the daunting task of cleaning the floors. I finally got the runner in the kitchen, and started vacuuming...then got to the end of the runner....what's that smell???

HOLY SHI SHI!
I VACUMMED UP SHI SHI!!!!!

What was I supposed to do? The only thing I could do. I got a boat load of baby wipes and started trying to clean the vacuum. There was a whole lot of shi shi stuck on the little wheely thing that spins in the front of the vacuum...this is also the part you can see on the top of the vacuum, because it has a clear window for your viewing pleasure. I managed to get that part clean...then I figured I should take apart the inner workings of the vacuum. We have the bagless kind, so I figured cleaning it would be pretty simple. I filled up the sink with hot soapy water and dumped all the pieces in, washed them, them put the vacuum back together.

You know the "take away the odor" powers of baking soda? Yeah, so do I...so I sprinkled some on the runner, which, let's not forget, had smashed shi shi on it. Then started vacuuming it up. Hmmmm....why is there white dust coming out of my vacuum? That's really weird...you know you can buy carpet powders, so it just doesn't make sense that powder would be coming out of my vacuum.

It was at that moment, that I turned around an saw that I had forgotten to put the box of baking soda on the counter....I just left it sitting on the floor. Well, can you imagine who had the box? That's right, Timmy had the box and was shaking it upside down so that all the contents were spilling out. Flipping fantastic!!!

Did I mention that it was about 8:30am on my 33rd birthday???

Okay, I pulled out the hose and started to clean it up. Hmmmmmm.....more white powder, a lot more white powder coming out of my vacuum. What the heck is going on???? I shut the vacuum off, and took the vacuum apart....just to see if I could spot the source of the problem. No, I couldn't...but I decided that I probably ought to grab a bag to dump the stuff that's in the canister....

Timmy was rubbing his feet and hands in the baking soda spillage - I could have cared less at that point, I mean really!!!!???

As I grab the bag from under the, I spotted a very important piece of the vacuum's inner workings still in the sink! That's right folks....I forgot to put a piece back in the vacuum. Is it possible that this important piece meant the difference between no white powder coming out of the vacuum and the volcanic eruption I was experiencing? UMMMM....ABSOLUTELY!

Flipping Fantastic!

I dumped the canister contents into a plastic bag, and was working quickly so Timmy couldn't get his hands inside of the vacuum. I placed the tied bag on the floor and tried to clean up my mess....Can you guess what happened next? Timmy tore open the bag. That's right...keeps getting better, doesn't it?

I finally managed to get it all cleaned off the floor, then had to go to work on getting the thin layer of white powder off the brand new cabinets and appliances...joy! All of this, while my toddler is climbing all over me with baking soda still all over his hands and feet. Needless to say, a bath was in order for both of us when the whole ordeal was over.

Just so you know, I managed to make it through the whole episode without a tear. I just kept laughing about the whole thing and wondering what was coming next. In the middle of all of it, I called Todd and told him...he did not see the humor in his new kitchen being taken over by baking soda...he put my mom on the phone, and she saw the humor....matter of fact, she thought it was pretty funny. Thank goodness someone else could laugh with me.

Lessons Learned:
1) Naked tushies do not leave the bathroom!
2) Fresh diapers are now stored in the bathroom.
3) When your child says he is done with his poop, make him sit there a little longer.
4) Baking soda should never be left anywhere other than it's rightful place in the baking cabinet.
5) Most importantly, never, ever clean on your birthday!

7 comments:

Sarah said...

Happy 33.5. I'm 33.75. Your story is very poignant because I am potty training a recalcitrant 2 year old who refuses to poop in the potty...although to be fair it is only day 4...however she sneaks off and gets a nappy (diaper) and does it in the nappy. She's clever and it's a much better scenario than the floor.

Your poor vacuum, does it still whiff? I vacuumed up fish food once that little L had got into and the smell lasted weeks.

You have a great blog I've bookmarked your site.

Blessings.

Stacy said...

That is the best mom story I have heard in a long time!! Hats off to you for keeping a smile on your face through it all!

By the way 33.5...I wish ...I am 21 days from 35!!!!!!I'm officially pushing 40 and guess what...It's pushing back!!!

Jenny said...

OMG!! That is too funny! And if anyone asks what you did for your 33rd birthday, you will certainly remember.

I've found that every mess has to have at least 4 messes involved and be a colossal mess before it's all over.

You seem to have handled it quite well, taken it all in stride. Good job!!

Hope you had a happy birthday and didn't do a daggone thing involving housework or messes the rest of the weekend.

Jo said...

Oh how funny! Sad, in that "Oh honey have I been there way" but also funny in that "oh honey have I been THERE!" way. :)

Happy 33 1/2 and 1 one!

Tori :) said...

I love the name of your blog!! :) Heck yes a SAHM is a "working" mom!!
Happy 1/2 birthday. I'll be 31 in less than a month. Oy!
Thanks for visiting my blog.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

And this is why you should always have a trusty Poop Eating Labrador Retriever by your side. My Lab, Reagan, cleans crappy things up in a jiffy and leaves behind a sparkling clean floor.

And for your boy? Try a cage. Seriously. We didn't have a play pen with my youngest daughter, and sometimes I needed her to stay safe for a few minutes while taking a shower, cleaning up her latest disaster, whatever. I put a blanket and books in there for her and she loved it. I'd catch her holding the bars of the kennel, swaying back and forth like a caged go-go dancer.

Grandma C. said...

Chrissy, I laughed and laughed at your poopy story, and realized I should schedule a time every few days to catch up on your blogging. You do such a great, funny job writing up your experiences. Love it! Love you, Grandma C.