Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Friday, May 16, 2008

Mindless Entertainment

This, I am sure, is going to sound crazy to all of you. When I was preggo with little man, I watched the Gilmore Girls.
Things got busy, so I stopped watching somewhere mid season 6. I recently discovered that it is on ABC Family at 5:00 every day. Wouldn't you know it; they were on season 6, so I was able to DVR the show each day and watch it while the kids were napping. I love it and am pretty hooked.

Yesterday's episode ended with the season 6 finale. I tried to tune in at 5:00 today while nursing the princess (hubs had little man outside mowing the lawn), and the whole thing started over at season 1! What happened to season 7??? I need season 7! Don't they know I only have a few more weeks of maternity leave...when it's over I won't have the time to watch the Gilmore Girls. Darn it!

This brings up another point. We starting watching Dexter on CBS. Have you seen this show? The premise is pretty sick and disturbing, but we got hooked (much like the sopranos - you get hooked quickly). Anyway, this show has already aired 2 seasons on showtime. We just watched the season 1 finale and now I need more. Knowing more is out there is driving me nuts!

I am considering canceling HBO and signing up for Net Flix. Then I can rent Gilmore Girls season 7 and Dexter season 2. Notice, if you will, these two shows could not be any more different. How can I possibly need to see both?

From all of this, you can gather that I am a television junkie. However, I'm not all about television. I also love to read, but I am really a beach read kinda girl. I like mindless books that I can lose myself in and not think.

I just picked up The Second Nine Months by Vicki Glembocki, which was a suggested reading from the Blog Mamma herself. I started it yesterday and am already 3/4 of the way through. It's a great book. There are a lot of parts that I can totally empathize with her. Like the way other babies are sleeping through the night and yours is the only one not sleeping through the night. This happened with Little man, although the Hubs swore that the other mommies were lying through their teeth. Who knows! Anyway, it's a great book. Pick it up if you want to relive some old memories!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Monthly Photos

When Little Man was an infant, I had his photo taken on the 24th of each month. It started when I lived near a Picture People. I got my free sitting fee and free 8 x 10 and walked out the door without buying a thing - yes, I am that cheap! That changed when we moved to the backwoods of NH. The nearest Picture People is over 1 hour away, so that was out. I started taking him to Wal Mart and getting their cheap packages. It turned out okay b/c grandparents got pictures. Between 12-18 months he started getting the wiggles at each picture. By 18 months, it was a photo by luck, so I stopped.

Now that the Princess is here I had to make a decision. Do I get her photo taken each month or skip it? I made the decision to skip it. Then, my Mom got to me with, "what are you going to tell her when she gets older and wants to know why there are pictures of Little Man each month and not her?" Okay, good point. She had a 1 month photo taken and she went in yesterday for her 2 month. She's 2 months old! Time flew by!

I am not the scrapbooking type (but I do appreciate the hard work and beauty of others' books), but someday I would really like to put all of Little Man's in one book and all of Princess's in another. Looking back at Little Man's it really is neat to see the monthly growth. I'm glad I did it and happy that I made the decision to do it with Princess.

Words to Ponder

1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Aside from the comments on my blog, we have had tremendous support in our personal lives. Without the support of our family and friends, it would be a difficult cross to bear.
Here on some of the kind words sent to us:

From a 2 time cancer survivor and all around awesome lady:
Sometimes God has a mysterious way of tell us something.

Sometimes we get handed something that we can’t figure out what the purpose is for.

Sometimes, when life is going impeccably well- BAMN, something comes to “throw a wrench” into the mix.

I haven’t stopped thinking of you two… and my mind is spinning, and my heart is so very heavy. I can say I’m strong, you can too… but reality is… I haven’t been strong this past day- for I’m sad, scared, worried & questioning the “whys” of life. Why again, why you guys, why now?
As we know- we can go around & around in circles & wont ever have the answers.
I’ll tell you a secret. I think of my cancer daily. Not a day goes by that somehow it doesn’t cross my mind. Whether for good reasons of feeling super, & kicking the C in the butt… or for worrisome “will it return for a 3rd time” thoughts, what if it does, etc. Many people would think I’m nuts for allowing it to cross my mind daily. Its not always consuming, just a brief thought as I say my prayers, or something will remind me, etc.
But then … reality kicks in… and someone I know get diagnosed, or REdiganosed… and it kicks me to think of everything all in a different light. I can firmly say, for the first time in my 6 years of dealing or being a survivor… that I’m confidant if I were to be rediagnosed I would have the most support I’ve ever felt in my life. we have found people like you guys, the Whi&&*$% etc. who light our lives. Sometimes- tough times are a reminder of the spot you’re in within life, and the support that embraces you as a family.
Know there isn’t much I can help w/… I know I can’t take the worry or anger away… but PLEASE know w/ all my heart I am thinking of you daily & wishing there’s something, somehow, I could do to “make it better”. Im sure Timmy would reach for a Bob the Builder band-aid if he knew you were “hurting”.
We love you guys… cherish you in our lives far more than you can imagine… and are here for every ounce of support possible. PLEASE if there’s anything you need help w/, or would like a hand in… please do not hesitate… we’re here!!!
With love, thoughts & prayers… be strong… you got this!!!

Her equally fabulous husband:
There is no way for me to put into words what J just did so eloquently. For I believe that only those who have physically gone through what you and J have can express emotionally what each of you feel from your own personal experiences. Those of us who are husbands, wives, family and friends of you (both) can give all the support necessary to help, encourage and do whatever you may need to get through this. But still, cannot feel what you or others feel because it's not actually happening inside of us.
I want to reiterate what my amazing wife has and tell you two (actually 4)that we're here for you for whatever you all may need. We're glad that you have so much family and many friends around for your support, strength, a good laugh, a good beer, or just a few minutes to be there for you in the times you need someone.

From one of my best Friends:
I imagine it was a horrible day!
I am sure it has to be so frustrating. There is nothing one can say to make the fear go away or relieve that stress. Just have to wonder what the Lord is trying to do in all this.
I will continue to pray for you and T. I know this is quite trying on both of you. I will pray that God will help to give you the answers you need each day. If you are anything like me...it is the contant questions in my mind..."what if_____?" or "what will I do when____?" You know those questions never end....because the possibilities are endless. So, I pray that you will let your mind rest knowing that God has got you! And He will provide you with the questions and answers at just the right time. Focus on loving your husband and your two beautiful babies. God has the rest my friend!!!!


It was a rough night. I got a few hours of sleep, but I spent the night worrying and praying. My first worry was putting Princess down for the night. After her cousin's episode yesterday, I was so afraid to put her down. I ended up checking on her several times throughout the night.

I also spent time thinking about the Hubs and praying that he doesn't need to go through treatment again. It would be very hard on him and hard on Little Man. I don't want either of them to go through that.

My heart is heavy today, but I keep praying that the Lord will lighten my heart.

Verse of the Day:
Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Clearly, I need to take one day at a time and not let my mind wander to places it should not go.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A Day not worth Repeating

My phone rang at 6:00am, which is never a good sign. The hubs called me on his way to work. His brother, who works for him, called him to say our 14 week old niece had stopped breathing and an ambulance was on the way to their house. I got that info and waited 20 minutes for an update. those were the longest 20 minutes ever spent. I don't think there has been a time where I have cried so hard or prayed so much. My mind was going places I didn't want it to go; I was scared out of my mind.
At 6:20 I got a call that said she was breathing again, but on her way to the hospital. At 7:30, I got a call that said they were going to keep her overnight to run some tests. I made the decision to go to the hospital to see how things were going. By the time I got there, she was being sent home. All the tests they had run came back normal. They think it was acid reflux that startled the vocal chords and stopped her breathing. So frightening!

At 1:15 this afternoon the hubs called me again. The mole they cut off his leg last week was Melanoma. For those of you keeping track, that's his 4th Melanoma. The first 2 went into his lymph system and caused him to go through a year's worth of chemo type treatment. The 3rd, this past Thanksgiving, was only on the surface and not a worry. This one is a little deeper. They are concerned that it might have traveled into his lymph system again, so are scheduling a surgery to find out.

I am beside myself with the way this day has turned out. Try as I might, I can not figure out why this keeps happening to him. The hubs is pretty torn up about it and I'm not doing so well myself. I've leaned on God today more than ever. I do believe, he is carrying me right now.