Melanoma

Today I write my blog entry with a heavy heart. In 1999 Todd was diagnosed with stage 4 Melanoma. It required one year of chemo type treatments, one month of intensive IV treatments, and 11 months of self-injections 3 times per week. To say the very least, it was a trying time for him. As his girlfriend, fiancé and wife (all 3 throughout the process) it was difficult for me too. It’s never an easy thing to see the person you love most in this world go through something so terrible and see the side-effects that the drugs take on your body. Even writing this now, my checks are stained with tears.

I have written a post at the beginning of my blogging career about his illness. Several years later, I was able to see the lesson God gave us. His illness put our young relationship to the test and put us on a level that many don’t achieve for many, many years into a relationship – that was the blessing in his illness. Upon learning this lesson and writing the previous post, I never expected to write about it again.

Prior to our Thanksgiving trip to California, Todd had a suspicious mole removed from his shoulder. The dermatologist called while we were in California with the news that the mole removed was, in fact, Melanoma. The sheer horror and fear that went through my mind rivaled anything I have ever felt before. My first thought was, “I can’t believe we need to go through this again.” He has an appointment tomorrow for a wide-excision, where they will go in and take out an 8” x 3” oval on his shoulder. This will allow them to get clean lines on the and biopsy the tissue around the mole that was removed. The upside, so far, is that this Melanoma appears to be stage 1 only, which means it did not travel to his lymph nodes (as it had before). Tomorrow’s procedure will be able to confirm the stage for us. With a stage 1 Melanoma, there isn’t any treatment that needs to be done. I am trying to hold onto that silver lining, but try as I might, I can not get rid of the fear that is dwelling within me.

I am a firm believer in “things happen for a reason.” Try as I might, however, I can not find a reason for this. Maybe I need to be several years removed from this incident to find the lesson in it. Right now the only things I feel are fear, frustration, confusion and anger over this.