Monday, January 29, 2007

Today's Thoughts

I have a lot on my mind and a heavy heart. We moved from Boston to a small town in New Hampshire a few months after my son was born. The idea was for us to slow down a little and to enjoy our new family. The plan has worked for over a year. We have been able to enjoy each other and I have been home with Timmy. It seems now, however, that things are changing. I need to return to work so that we can make ends meet. Since December, I have been praying that the Lord would help me find something that I could do from home. That hasn't happened, and there is no more time.

When I think of returning to work, it makes me very sad. During the day, when Timmy and I are playing, I start to think of my return to work and sometimes the tears overtake me. I am struggling with thoughts of how I will spend those precious few hours I will get with him. How will I make the most of the time we have? Will I want to be selfish and not let him get a full night's sleep so that I can spend more time with him? I know there are working moms out there that do this every day. I admire them, and would like to know how they manage it. I want what's best for him, and a huge part of my belief system says that mommy is best for him. Another important part of my belief system, however, says that I need to do what's best for us as a family unit. What's best for us right now, is my return to work.

I have sent my resume in to four different places in the last week. Three of the positions are in human resources, which is my background. The fourth is at a pre-school; I used to teach first grade, so this is also a good fit for me. I have an interview at the pre-school on Saturday, and am really hoping this will work out. It would allow me to work, but still see my son throughout the day.


Mommysmart said...

I enjoy reading your blog because of your wonderful peace with God and your earnesty to obey. This is just a new mission for you and your family.

I can completely relate to what you are feeling right now. Having been a working mom and a stay-at-home mom both I can relate to the confusing emotions. I can honestly say that we have always had wonderful caregivers for both of our kids and never bad experiences, but I believe that is answered prayer. I have always prayed for anyone that has any interaction with my children. God can bring blessings to your son through others and you should pray for that. It is difficult to allow others in his life, but it can be a wonderful blessing to you and to him if you take it to God everyday.

Monica (mommysmart)

Neva said...

Stumbled on your blog and felt let to say to you, God will bless you in your endeavors, even the unpleasant ones. When we know our time with our children is limited, because of work or age or whatever, the time becomes even sweeter and even more precious, something we never ever take for granted. I am praying for peace in your decision making and that God will send the job that requires the least amount of time away from Timmy and pays the most amount of money for your efforts.
God bless you