Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I Need a Moment

Today was an eventful day. It was eventful in the common use of the word, but it was eventful emotionally. It was a day that was full of a careful consideration and thoughts. I suppose this has something to do with my recent high level of stress. I really took a step back and thought about each event as it unraveled today. I'll use my blog today as a means of getting it all out of my system, with the hope that it will make everything more clear and give me the moment I am looking for. The moment of peace.

This morning, the 2 1/2 year old I watch on Wednesdays arrived. We ate breakfast together. Okay, that's not true. I ate breakfast, the 2 1/2 year old ate breakfast and Timmy sat in his chair not eating, but playing with his food. This has gone on for some time. What am I going to do to get this child of mine to actually eat something for breakfast? When I return to work, how I am going to get him out the door with me in the morning with a body that has been well nourished and is ready for the day ahead of him? This thought overcomes me. Unfortunately, solutions do not! I need a moment of clarity.

Our Wednesday ritual is to head to the library for Toddler Story Time, or as I like to call it Toddler Chaos Time. Timmy and I have been doing story time since he was 5 months old. It's hard to imagine that 18 months ago, there were a handful of moms and toddlers listening to stories. It was a respite for me. I met new people and I engaged in adult conversation. Yes, there are stories, songs, and figerplays for all to enjoy, but the number of children running amuck far outnumber the children sitting on the quilt listening. Timmy and I are working on sitting and listening to the librarian (mind you, this is difficult for a 22 month old boy when there are many children playing and making all sorts of noise in the background). I want him to sit still and appreciate why we are there. Is that too much to ask of a 22 month old? Perhaps, but in my defense, there are other children there his age that seem to accomplish this just fine. The library is no longer the respite it once was. Now, I come to think of it as a chore and something that has to be done so my son has an appreciation for literature. Every minute of it, however, feels like torture to me. I need a moment to catch my breath.

We returned home, and everyone was fed and calming down in prepartion of nap time (which just so happens to be my favorite Wednesday activity), when I returned a call to a friend. I chatted with this friend for quite some time, when we finally got down to the job situation. I consider this woman to be a very dear friend. She knows in my heart of hearts that I do not want to return to work, so it is on her mind when we talk. I gave her the update that the time is up, and I must return. She feels terrible for me and tells me how sorry she is. Within that same context she mentions how we don't talk much at MOPS because I have been stressed over the last month. Well, this made me very sad. I was almost in tears talking with her, but I composed myself. I got off the phone and thought about the last MOPS meeting I attended - someone said something very similar to me that day. I didn't think anything of it, but now I am worried that I am giving off some kind of unfriendly vibe. I need a moment to compose myself.

Tonight was the first night that I changed Timmy's bed time routine. It was watching a movie while putting on jammies, then off to the bedroom - where we had a sippy of milk while listening to our favorite song (How Could Anyone Ever Tell You, by Shaina Noll), which is followed with a prayer, him saying amen, a kiss goodnight, and down for the night. Well, I decided since the bottle is gone for good now (as of the beginning of the week we faded out the final bottle), it's time to be a big boy. Tonight we had our milk downstairs, then went up and read a story in the rocking chair (lights on), followed by a prayer, then turning the lights off. This is not what I really wanted, but I figure we need to do it sometime, so I might as well do it now while I a getting rid of the bottle ~ it's like ripping off a band-ade ~ if you do it fast it will be less painful. It wasn't painful; he didn't have any trouble at all. I need a moment to absorb the idea that he is not a baby anymore.

So many thoughts and musings running around in my head all day today and tonight. I needed to get them all out for a moment of peace. I like to think of this photo as a moment of peace. He looks so angelic, that I can't help but look at it with a peaceful heart. I really am blessed.

1 comment:

Melissa R. Garrett said...

You sound like a very sweet and loving family - I really like that. By the way - I have a five-year-old son that has a very difficult time sitting still. Most children that age do, and I would hardly expect a child your son's age to be still and appreciate story time. I think it's wonderful you are instilling a love of books at such a young age - more parents should do the same. Just . . . let him get his wiggles out :-)