True Friendship with None of that Sissy Crap

My friend sent me an email last night. She never ever forwards messages, but she made an exception in this case. Quite frankly, I'm glad she did. I found it pretty humorous and great for a laugh after a long day. So...here it is:

True Friendship (with none of that Sissy Crap!!!)
Are you tired of those sissy friendship poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak true of friendship. You will see not cutesy little smiley faces on this, just the stone cold truth of friendship.

1) When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2) When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3) When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4) When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5) When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6) When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7) When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.
8) When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath....I pledge it to the end. "Why?," you may ask, "because you are my friend."

Friendship is like peeing in your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Remember....when life hands you lemons, get some tequila and salt and call me!